Then there was the sound of a struggle, and I knew that the attendants were dealing with himI was so frightened that I crept into bed, and pulled the clothes over my head, putting my fingers in my earsI was not then a bit sleepy, at least so I thought, but I must have fallen asleep, for except dreams, I do not remember anything until the morning, when Jonathan woke meI think that it took me an effort and a little time to realize where I was, and that it was Jonathan who was bending over meMy dream was very peculiar, and was almost typical of the way that waking thoughts become merged in, or continued in, dreams
I thought that I was asleep, and waiting for Jonathan to come backI was very anxious about him, and I was powerless to act, my feet, and my hands, and my brain were weighted, so that nothing could proceed at the usual paceAnd so I slept uneasily and thoughtThen it began to dawn upon me that the air was heavy, and dank, and coldI put back the clothes from my face, and found, to my surprise, that all was dim aroundThe gaslight which I had left lit for Jonathan, but turned down, came only like a tiny red spark through the fog, which had evidently grown thicker and poured into the roomThen it occurred to me that I had shut the window before I had come to bedI would have got out to make certain on the point, but some leaden lethargy seemed to chain my limbs and even my willI lay still and endured, that was allI closed my eyes, but could still see through my eyelids(It is wonderful what tricks our dreams play us, and how conveniently we can imagine The mist grew thicker and thicker and I could see now how it came in, for I could see it like smoke, or with the white energy of boiling water, pouring in, not through the window, but through the joinings of the doorIt got thicker and thicker, till it seemed as if it became concentrated into a sort of pillar of cloud in the room, through the top of which I could see the light of the gas shining like a red eyeThings began to whirl through my brain just as the cloudy column was now whirling in the room, and through it all came the scriptural words "a pillar of cloud by day and of fire by night Was it indeed such spiritual guidance that was coming to me in my sleep? But the pillar was composed of both the day and the night guiding, for the fire was in the red eye, which at the thought got a new fascination for me, till, as I looked, the fire divided, and seemed to shine on me through the fog like two red eyes, such as Lucy told me of in her momentary mental wandering when, on the cliff, the dying sunlight struck the windows of StSuddenly the horror burst upon me that it was thus that Jonathan had seen those awful women growing into reality through the whirling mist in the moonlight, and in my dream I must have fainted, for all became black darknessThe last conscious effort which imagination made was to show me a livid white face bending over me out of the mist
I must be careful of such dreams, for they would unseat one's reason if there were too much of themSeward to prescribe something for me which would make me sleep, only that I fear to alarm themSuch a dream at the present time would become woven into their fears for meTonight I shall strive hard to sleep naturallyIf I do not, I shall tomorrow night get them to give me a dose of chloral, that cannot hurt me for once, and it will give me a good night's sleepLast night tired me more than if I had not slept at all
2 October 10 P-Last night I slept, but did not dreamI must have slept soundly, for I was not waked by Jonathan coming to bed, but the sleep has not refreshed me, for today I feel terribly weak and spiritlessI spent all yesterday trying to read, or lying down dozingRenfield asked if he might see mePoor man, he was very gentle, and when I came away he kissed my hand and bade God bless meSome way it affected me muchI am crying when I think of himThis is a new weakness, of which I must be carefulJonathan would be miserable if he knew I had been cryingHe and the others were out till dinner time, and they all came in tiredI did what I could to brighten them up, and I suppose that the effort did me good, for I forgot how tired I
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